when i was a new mama the days were long. sleep became a long lost friend. my emotions ran wild with erratic highs, lows and somewhere in between as i got to know the new little max in my life.
and then 15 months later i was in that place again with knox.
with both of my babies we were inseparable. they needed me to survive and i could no longer live without them. it was exhausting. overwhelming. terrifying. and exciting. i loved it. there's nothing else like it. that newborn phase. and when you are in it you are IN IT. there are so many moments when you just want it to end. and then it does. just like that. and you find yourself desperate to remember how that intense closeness felt.
i also ate a lot of pizza. it seriously never tasted so good.
we all go through this as mothers. the feelings, that is, and probably the pizza craves too. though i think my transition was less of a struggle. while i often reminisce over the days of rocking my babies to sleep or nursing them to to go down for a nap, i can never deny how much i craved my independence back. i didn't resent the phase, but i still wanted out of it. i wanted my kid to run, play and laugh. i was so sick of the loose, button-down breastfeeding-friendly shirts. i never got the hang of the moby wrap. and sitting in one place for a long period of time drove me slightly mad. so when max and knox weened off from nursing, i felt intense relief, and only occasionally miss our milk parties. we did have some good times. spit up and all. (side note: isn't it funny how accomplished you feel when your baby throws up on you? it's like yea! they are getting the milk they need!)
it was still pretty gross. and i really missed my silk tops.
and then there were the stroller days. i had zero conflict over it. i loved our long walks in the stroller and the blessed stroller nap. i would time it out when they were due for nap, get myself together in something semi decent and zig-zag through the neighborhood. as they cooed and fell asleep, i felt free. i was me again. for a short time i could do what i wanted with my precious cargo in tow. people smiled at us as we made our way through their sleep schedule and my me-time. it was the best. now my babies are curious, energetic boys with a fleeting interest in being wheeled about. and while i can't say i blame them, i will seriously miss it HARD.
so to make a potentially long essay short, i am gracefully accepting the last of our stroller days. and relishing the hell out of it.
we often go for a stroller walk when we have some extra time, usually a sunday. and this past sunday was one of those days. we live really close to the fairfax flea market. so we headed that way.
five minutes in we stopped for some shave ice. knox was already asleep so he missed out.
but out of the stroller went the max!
we didn't try to fight it.
we even helped him fly.
he continued to spread his wings.
while i basked in the sun.
and posed in front of the infamous joyrich wall. man, he's really growing up fast.
so my stroller days with maxwell are nearing the end of the road. it was a fun trip but i think i'm starting to feel ok with what is next for us. and i still have a few more months with knox, if i'm lucky. though i bet he's relishing these last days, too.
xoxo, soon-to-be ex-stroller mama