what most guys and josh want for christmas

 josh knows what guys want but can't do eye crossies for shit

josh knows what guys want but can't do eye crossies for shit

josh, husband and know-it-all extraordinaire (ed. note: i cannot help that i am a josh-of-all-trades), is here to help you out this holiday season by listing what most dudes want for christmas. also a list of what they don't want because it's funny. we aim to please!

thanks joshy. i'm going on break!

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(ed. note: i prefer my writing and my grammar to be proper and non-stylistic, so get used to capital letters and an abundance of oxford commas for the rest of this post)

Let's start this off with the obvious: I don't really know what guys want for Christmas. I'm only one guy and I can barely tell you what *I* want. From my perspective, guys are a pretty finicky bunch. We may give a crude 'meh' when asked what we want for dinner or what movie to see, but when it comes to our things, we know what we want. The only things that we would normally ask for are the things that we're too cheap to buy for ourselves. Or, in my case, feel too guilty because I probably didn't need it anyway. As I was trying to make a list, I continually thought "No, that's too personal". But if I was going to stick to that theory, this would be a very short list. So, I'm just going with the 'Stuff-Josh-Likes-And-Probably-Some-Guy-In-Your-Life-Enjoys-Too... Probably.' list.

1. Food- Sure, food is a personal thing and everyone likes their food prepared a certain way. But, if you were to take that fella in your life to his favorite restaurant I bet that he could probably convince someone to make his food in his special way. I know that this isn't exactly something that's eye-poppingly cool when you open that card under the tree, but you know what is cool? Watching those dudes at Benihanas chop your food up and cook it right in front of you while knowing that someone else is footing the bill for this show.

2. While we're on the subject of consumables, Booze- Booze is also a special thing, but if you step back and go a little bit more broad, you can find something great that he may not buy for himself. For instance: say your guy likes whisky. Where is his favorite whisky made? Kentucky? Scotland? Canada? Maybe find an artisanal whiskey from that region for him to try, something that you may not be able to pick up at your local grocery. If you want to really impress, figure out which Scottish isle makes his preferred scotch (here's a hint: it's Islay).

3. Time- This may just be a Josh thing, but time is a very important thing to me. I can sometimes work godawful hours and miss out on seeing my family while they're awake for several days in a row. If I had more time to take care of the errands and other things that take up time when I'm not at work, then I could spend more time with my family and friends. I don't really know how to tell you to go about giving someone time, but I've recently started getting my house cleaned occasionally in order to not worry about having to do those things on the weekend. Here's the deal with that: I've decided that my personal time is worth about $50 an hour. If I have a task that I'm capable of performing, but may take me awhile and I won't really enjoy it (let's say installing a ceiling fan in a house with wiring from the 1930's) and it's going to take about two hours but some guy will only charge me $75 to do it, then I'm saving $25 of personal time/money just by having that guy do it. That's also two hours (or more, because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and also scared of electricity) that I get to spend with my family and friends instead of cursing at getting 85 year old plaster in my eyes. So, look around. What have you been bugging your guy to do that someone else could easily accomplish? Maybe it's not something that he *couldn't* do, but he just plain doesn't *want* to do (in a financial term, his personal rate just went up. Exponentially, because cleaning gutters sucks and high school kids love making money). Wanna start saving some time now? Try out Handy or Rinse to clean your house and clothes.

4. And now, Stuff: Gloves- I sometimes wish that SoCal were colder just so I'd have an excuse to wear gloves and great jackets and scarves. These gloves are cool enough that I'd wear them even if it weren't that cold.

Hats- Who doesn't like hats? They shade your eyes from the sunlight and tamp your mane down when you don't feel like combing it that morning. Why not get away from the standard baseball cap every once in awhile though? I am partial to driver's caps, myself.

Socks!- That's right, the ol' grandma gift standby. You may not have appreciated them when you were a kid, but back then you probably didn't know any better. There are more than just white tube socks out there and if you think that paying more than $10 for a pair of socks seems expensive, think of it as an investment. Personally, my favorites are the merino wool hiking socks from REI and I've had some pairs for over ten years. Merino wool is the best material against your feet because it's naturally soft and sweat wicking. They come in all sorts of thicknesses and colors and you get 10% off when you buy three or more pair.

Undies- Yeah, I know, this one seems weird. But! MeUndies makes THE BEST underwear ever. They're super comfy, the softest material, and great colors and patterns. And, you can get a subscription for them where they'll send you a new pair each month. I prefer the trunks in medium, btw, and, unless your name is Sonia, don't even think about buying me underwear.

Shave- Here's another subscription service that I wholeheartedly endorse. (Ok, maybe not my *whole* heart, but a big portion) Dollar Shave Club makes some great razor blades and handles that are 99% as good as Gillette or Schick but only a fraction of the cost. I'm a guy that needs to shave every day if I wanna look good and clean and their blades tend to last for three or four shaves on me. I've also started using their Bogie's Hair Cream and Dr. Carver's Shave Butter, which are also pretty great. Watch their intro video for a great rundown on the service and a chuckle.

5. Stuff That You Should *NOT* Buy For A Guy- Remember how I said that guys are a finicky lot? Well, here's some stuff that you maybe shouldn't attempt to pick out for a fella. HERE'S THE CAVEAT IN CASE I'VE ALREADY OFFENDED SOMEONE: You may know your guy real well. Heck, you may have bought him all the clothes that he already wears. If that is the case, the rest of this post is not for you and you know better than I do.

Bags- Messenger, backpack, duffle, whatever. Would you want some guys trying to pick your purse out? That's a personal choice that maybe shouldn't be left to the taste of someone else.

Grooming supplies- I'm not just gonna grab any ol' product off the shelf when it comes to personal hygiene. There are certain scents or ingredients that I may dislike or have an aversion to. And I think that most guys might feel the same way if they received a cologne, or moisturizer, or hair product. Again, you may know better and you may just be buying the product that you know that guy already uses.

Jewelry- Jewelry for guys is a weird thing anyway. Don't try to force a dude to pretend that he likes your gift. Just because he already wears a necklace doesn't mean that he wants another. That particular necklace may be exactly the one that he has decided is all he ever needed.

Watches- This one is tricky, and almost jewelry too, except it's like functional jewelry. Personally, I'm a watch guy. I always have a watch on and I own a few. But, I've chosen all of those watches myself. If your guy doesn't already wear a watch, he probably won't wear the one you want to get him. Save your money. But, if he wants a watch, he'll probably tell you exactly what kind. Do not stray from this.

That's all from me. Thanks for letting me try to interpret the desires of others. If it didn't help, well, I take no credit and I take no blame. Later, Sunshines!

Sonia Cheek2 Comments